Category Archives: planning tips

{Planning Tips} How to Choose your Ceremony Style

By Chandra Fredrick | Jan 10

After deciding on an outdoor wedding ceremony overlooking the ocean in Southern California, my husband and I went to work deciding on the actual ceremony content. We knew we wanted it to last about 30 minutes, not too long but not over in a flash. We wanted a couple of meaningful readings. We didn’t want to write our own vows (too many nerves, emotions, and pressure!) but didn’t want to say the traditional vows either. We wanted to incorporate ideas that set our ceremony apart from the countless weddings we see on TV and have all been to…we wanted it to be more “us.” We are what I would consider spiritual, grateful, emotional people, but not what I would call religious in the traditional sense. And we wanted to include our guests. And after it was all said and done (literally) we had a beautiful, emotional, and sincere ceremony. Isn’t that the point?

Anyone who tells you that you can’t do or say something you want to do or say in YOUR wedding should, in my humble opinion, be ignored. Listen to what your heart tells you that you want to do and say. It is your wedding, after all…

Here is a basic outline of what our ceremony consisted of, which was combined with our officiant’s remarks. I hope it helps you planning brides who don’t want to go the pre-written/traditional route but are having trouble writing their own ceremony:

-Warming of the Rings: Also called a Ringwarming Ceremony. This was done during the prelude music prior to the ceremony. Our rings were passed around all of our guests in a bird’s nest and guests were asked to place their good thoughts and blessings on them. This is how we explained it in our program:

The wedding rings are the strongest and most visable sign of the bond these two people are about to make. As these rings are passed amongst you, please hold them and give them your personal blessings. The ring warming means the rings will not only be a gift from the bride and groom to each other, but will be given with the love, support, and wisdom of all present.

-Prelude Music (a variety of songs by the Vitamin String Quartet – if you don’t know them, check them out on itunes! They do string/classical versions of popular music. We had Yellow by Coldplay, God Only Knows by The Beach Boys, Just Like Heaven by The Cure, All I Want is You by U2, to name a few)

-Processional (I Want to Hold Your Hand by The Beatles, the T.V. Carpio version from Across the Universe)

-Welcome Remarks and Opening Thoughts (written and said by our officiant which included fun little anecdotes and stories about us as a couple, our long history (we were high school sweethearts, dated off and on for a few years, and then were together again for about 6 years before we got married).

-First Reading: “Why Marriage” by Mari Nichols-Haining, read by a family friend (this really described what being married meant to us and what we wanted it to be):

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body…
Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won’t hold them against me,
Who loves me when I’m unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me…
Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold…
Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love in friendship…
Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements…
Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole…
Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage…
Because of this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

-Group Declaration of Support for the Couple: (Guests respond by saying “We Do”)
As family and friends,

You form a community of support
That surrounds ________ and _________
Each of you, by your presence here today
Is being called upon
To uphold them in loving each other
Always stand beside them, never between them
Offer them your love and your support
Not your judgment
Encourage them when encouragement is needed
And listen to them when they ask for advice
In these ways, you can honor this marriage
Into which they have come to be joined today
Do you offer your love and support
To strengthen their marriage
And bless this family created by their union?

{We Do.}

-Exchange of Vows:
I, bride/groom take you, groom/bride, to be my husband/wife, my constant friend, and my love from this day forward. I vow to be your faithful partner, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, in joy as well as sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, and to cherish and respect you. I will love and honor you all the days of my life.

-Exchange of Rings:
Groom, take Bride’s ring and place it on her finger and repeat after me:
I give you this ring as a sign that I choose you
To be my lover, my partner and my best friend, to the end of my days
Wear it, think of me, and know that I love you

Bride, take Grooms’s ring and place it on his finger and repeat after me:
I give you this ring as a sign that I choose you
To be my lover, my partner and my best friend, to the end of my days
Wear it, think of me, and know that I love you

-Second Reading: A poem written for the couple and read by a family friend
-Blessing of us as a married couple
-Introduction of the Couple
-Recessional (Vitamin String Quartet’s version of Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours)

Music is another important element (I think) in your wedding ceremony, so use this as an opportunity to let your personality come through. If you don’t like Canon in D, then don’t play it in your ceremony just because lots of other brides do. At the end of the day, this is really the most important part of your wedding, what it all should be about, and it should reflect you as a couple just as much (if not more!) than the style, decor, cake, florals, etc.

What was/is your ceremony style? I’d love to hear your favorite part, a unique element you incorporated, or a tradition you chose to keep. Your comments and sharing will help other planning brides, so share away!

Photos by Jennifer Roper

You can find more about my ceremony here. Also, if you’d like to see more full ceremony content for help and ideas, Kathryn from Snippet & Ink shared her ceremony as well, and it’s really lovely so check it out. Good luck!

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{It’s in the Details} Honoring Loved Ones

By Chandra Fredrick | Nov 29

I know when I was planning my own wedding I struggled with how I could honor and remember my dad, who had died ten years before, without dwelling on it or making it a big thing. I wanted to remember him in a way that was still in keeping with the spirit of the day (as in, a happy day) but more than a program mention. I couldn’t find many ideas back then, so I tried to round up some in case any of you brides are having the same problem that I did.

Carry a photo of them with you:

Sunny 16 Photography via Austin Wedding Blog

Anna Rozenblat and Johnny Miller via Martha Stewart Weddings

For a beach wedding, a lei for those there in spirit, put out to sea:

Photo by Studio EMP via Found

{A simple sign}

Photo by Jessica Lorren via Ruffled

{A cigar tribute}

Twin Lens Photography

I love that last idea so much. It is a celebration of that person as well as your day. If your loved one loved cigars, or wine, or something like that you can incorporate it like this.

I chose to mention several loved ones who weren’t present at our wedding in our program, but I also had my father’s wedding ring stitched to a hanky that was my grandmother’s and carried it around my bouquet. That way he was with me as I walked down the aisle.

If you prefer to do a program mention, I thought this was a lovely way to do it:

Photo by Jeff Wallace via Green Wedding Shoes

And if you want to display photos of them, but in a more unique way, consider this:

Photo by Jessamyn Harris (seen before here) via Style Me Pretty

or this:

Photo by Gabriel Ryan

Anyone have any ideas to share on how they honored their deceased loved ones at their wedding?

22 Comments

{Planning Tips} DJ’s + Playlists

By Chandra Fredrick | Feb 26

One of the most important elements of a wedding (or any “party” for that matter) is good music. I’ve been to weddings with bad DJs and bad music and there is really nothing worse. I’m a DJ girl myself, but whether you have a DJ or a band (or an ipod), a good playlist is a must. If you are in the LA area, I can’t recommend my wedding DJ enough. Shout out to Danny Farrell of NYC DJ’s – holla!

You have to trust your DJ enough to allow him or her to do their job. Don’t micro-manage by giving them a complete playlist. You need to make two lists. Make a “do not play” list – mine included songs like the “Electric Slide,” “YMCA,” “The Macarena,” etc. and a couple of popular songs at the time that we weren’t fans of. Also make a short “must play” list for all of those songs you love, that are important to you, that you and your friends have a dance routine to, etc. These should be the songs that your wedding wouldn’t be complete without. My list included “Country Roads,” “Like a Prayer,” and old school Notorious B.I.G.

A fun way to get your guests in on the action is to allow them to make requests. We allowed our guests to make requests but gave our DJ guidelines as well, such as no songs from our “do not play” list even if requested and no country music unless it went with the flow (like old school Garth was ok but please no super popular Rascal Flatts!). The result was a really fun party with everyone dancing and having a good time.

Want to earn bonus points in the DJ request department? Give your guests DJ request cards at their place settings or with their favors. The super cute cards below are made available by The Wedding Chicks for free in a variety of colors! Get the download here.

What songs are on your “Must Play” or “Do Not Play” Lists?

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{Planning Tips} What to do the Week of Your Wedding

By Chandra Fredrick | Aug 23

One year ago I started the week of my wedding, where I pretended to work for two days, then took the rest of the week off and welcomed family and friends, basked in last minute pampering, and got anxious and excited for the big day. Although I’m glad that stressful time is behind me, I do miss that joyous feeling of the best day of my life being just within reach and the anticipation of finally being a Mrs. It is such a fun and exciting time if you let it be.

So, my best advice for the week of your wedding is this: do as much as you can well before that time so you can just enjoy it, take the week, or at least a few days off if you can, let the little things roll off of your back (like people who call last minute and say they aren’t attending afterall, or frustrating in-laws-to-be) and try not to let the big things get you down (like that natural disaster that almost prevented your big day from happening at all), and grab a few minutes alone with your almost-husband each day to just connect and remember why you are doing all of it in the first place.

A week before my wedding my mom and stepfather were doing their evening walk when they were hit by a drunk driver, who then fled the scene and left them in a ditch. My stepfather broke his neck and had to be airlifted to a hospital. My mom was an emotional wreck, but physically ok. Two days before my wedding there was a wildfire very close to our venue and we didn’t even know if we would be able to have the wedding, and if we could, if it would be a smokey mess. In the end, my mom was able to travel to be with us (and even danced, drank, and had lots of fun), and we skyped the ceremony for my stepfather (who is now doing well) to watch. And there was no fire or smoke to be found, at least not near our venue.

So enjoy that time as much as you can. We made a long weekend out of our wedding festivities- going to the beach (with lots of sunscreen!) with our guests one day, spending one-on-one time with our parents, rehearsal dinner and post-rehearsal dinner gathering, etc. It is over in a flash and you will miss it, eventually…

See, doesn’t it look like we had fun!?

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{Planning Tips} Should You Wear Your Hair Up or Down?

By Chandra Fredrick | Jun 22

To wear your hair up or down is a big wedding day question for brides-to-be. I know I struggled with that question a lot myself. Your mom wants you to wear it up, you know your fiance’ would like it better down, it might be windy or hot, you don’t want a prom ‘do, you don’t want an everyday ‘do, etc. etc. etc…

How you wear your hair should ultimately be the bride’s decision based on what makes her most feel pretty and like a bride. It also depends on if you have a good stylist. I always thought I couldn’t wear my hair down because it is fine and I didn’t think it would hold up. But my amazing stylist (shout out to Rachael at Flawless Faces, holla!) showed me during my second hair trial that not only could it hold up, but it would look amazing. I ultimately decided on wearing it down, but collected some great up-do photos, including my plan B up-do style. Here is my inspiration and my stylist’s interpretation of that inspiration:

I mean, if I could have Amanda Seyfried’s hair every day I would trade her in a second, but for an up-do, I especially loved this look.

And here it is on me, a person with way less hair and a much finer texture. But I still loved it…. I just loved it down more, and knew my husband would too.

Did anyone else find this to be a tough decision?

Getting Your Dream Wedding Dress on A Budget

By Chandra Fredrick | Jun 7

Many people have asked me about my wedding gown; what did I pick, where did I find it, how much did it cost? I’ve been saving this story, because my gown was my absolute dream gown, and how I got it is one of the things I’m most proud of from all of the things I did for our wedding (DIY projects included).

Every bride has a different budget. We definitely had a budget. To stay within that budget, we made some sacrifices: I had my cousin shoot our wedding video instead of having the 8 mm professional film done that I really wanted, I made some more affordable vendor choices, etc. And I did not want to spend a small fortune on my gown, even if I could afford to.

I found my dream gown right away. It was a Melissa Sweet and it cost almost $5000. I was not willing to pay $5000 without blinking (although I am sure I would have, had I not found a solution, and my mother said we would make it work if that was the gown I wanted). I am a girl who can justify spending $200 on jeans, buying a shirt at Anthropologie that would buy me 3 shirts somewhere else, and getting a pedicure two weeks in a row. But I couldn’t justify $5000 for a wedding dress without at least trying to find a more affordable option first.

I went to two different bridal salons, and neither offered me much of a reduction. The lowest they would go was $4500 and that didn’t include alterations or sales tax. I watch “Say Yes To The Dress” like every other bride, and I know things can be done, so I walked away. I started looking on the internet, looking into buying the dress used, and called around to other salons. In my internet research, I found a website called Bridepower, which is basically a wedding gown search service. You tell them what gown you are looking for and pay a $50 fee. If they don’t find the gown, you get a refund. If they find and you purchase a gown, they keep the fee. The gowns are reduced up to 40% from retail price, and are in great condition (most were never worn or used in any way).

So I signed up with Bridepower. And a couple of days later I received a call from Leslie, the owner saying, that she also owned a bridal salon in Boston called Vows where she sells sample gowns. She had found my gown in my size in her store in perfect condition. Since she found it in her store she told me I would not have to pay the $50 fee, the gown would be over 50% off, and I paid no sales tax! I paid $50 for shipping, but that was it. Leslie assured me that the gown was in excellent condition, but if once I got it I found that not to be the case, she would fully refund my money. It seemed too good to be true, but it wasn’t.

So I bought my dream gown and it was in perfect condition as promised. It needed very little alterations (I think I spent $300, but I also had a bustle added and boob pads sewn inside the lining because I didn’t want to wear a bra). The total cost of my dream gown….. $1900! Flat. Done. Sold.

Lesson: a couple of weeks of waiting and internet research saved me over $3000 and got me my dream gown. No one else had worn it and it was in perfect condition. It didn’t even need to be cleaned. And I loved it.